what do you want to be when you grow up?

December 12, 2010 § Leave a comment

i want to spend my life taking fun, meaningful, deep, emotional, interesting, thought provoking, silly, heartfelt photographs of all people from here to everywhere. the stories are endless.

sounds fun, eh??

Body Integration: This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds) #reverb10

i keep marveling at the timing of this. this project, and my want to commit myself to something challenging, something more. my want to know myself and know my dreams. and it happens to be that that challenge is to reflect back on this year of my life, which happens to be the year i plucked a dream out of my head and went for it.

but this year, i feel more like myself than i ever have. i feel that i have the people that are meant to be around me, around me. looking into the new year i feel really filled with love and support from friends and family. a community i wondered if i’d ever have. all the people who supported me while they probably questioned my sanity. i have a lot of work in front of me, it’s endless. and i want to do this right, i want to build it strong the first time. i want to offer my clients beautiful, lasting work. i want them to daydream where they’ll hang their splash of memories. i want it to be rainy, and you flop down on the couch with some tea. and something catches your eye. it’s your proof box. you run your fingers over the silky texture of the fabric. you open and are transported to that day, to those memories. what the weather was like and remembering the things that made you laugh. remembering what your husband or newborn baby smelled like that day, remembering how your toddler’s hand felt in yours as you swung him in the air. anyway, that’s what i daydream about.

but i finally feel like i’m on the right road. i figured out what i want to be, a photographer. still feels so weird. i love that the learning opportunities are endless. in my dreams we live on a farm and i convert the barn to a studio/darkroom. dream on. but all of these feelings, they are feelings of passion, a passion for always learning more about my craft. i feel present and excited about what the future holds for me. because as a mom, as many of you know, it’s difficult to set aside the time to just think about yourself and outside of your kids and husband, what you want for yourself. because at the end of the day, you can’t be any good at your roles if you aren’t caring for yourself and embracing your talents and interests. nothing has ever made me feel the way i feel when you love a moment i captured of you. your life and your truth on that day. my heart beats a little faster, i feel alive.

i’m still getting better at accepting the idea of being good at something. it’s not quite in my nature to be my own best cheerleader, but i’m working on it. at least i finally know that what they say is true. the best work is doing what you love, because then it doesn’t feel like work at all.


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