inspiration to reflect at just the right time…
December 4, 2010 § 2 Comments
my husband is in the trades, an electrician to be specific. and it seems that every christmas, the work slows, we stress, money gets tight, and the whole month of december disintegrates into a pile of dust. and sure enough, december rolled around again this year, and we are greeted with the same. just last night i was feeling the weight of it, until i read this: reflections on challenging. how perfect? what a great thing to challenge myself to this month. to reflect, on what was good and what i want to change. to think about and put forth what i want in the future and how i want to do it. so, i joined.
in joining, i had to do a bit of reflecting on what i want this blog to be. for my readers, but also for myself. yes, i want it to be a place where i can share sessions with clients. but i also want it to be a place where i can put down a memory for safe keeping. write about something that my kids did that made me proud, or write about a hard day at work with my two very demanding bosses. so i hope you don’t mind that among the pictures and stories, you might get to know me a little. know all the people and things and inspirations that are behind me. and know all the hopes and dreams i have for my own little cluster of people.
unfortunately, i’m 4 days behind. so let’s play some catch up!
one word: to think of a word that sums up the past year. if i had to think of a word to describe this last year i’d have to choose “chance” really this word seems to be appropriate for all of the past 5 that i’ve been married and a mother. i took a chance 5 years ago and went with my gut, had a baby and got married. and since that time i’ve taken many other chances, some that have worked and some that have not. this year, i took a chance on myself. on a passion of mine, on skills i wasn’t sure i had and still question daily, on trying to make something meaningful out of something i love. looking to next year, i hope my 2011 word is persevere. i hope to chug along past the moments of difficulty and doubt to persevere.
writing: what do i do each day that doesn’t contribute to my writing and can i eliminate it. well, i’d have to send the boys away to boarding school in the alps to totally eliminate it, so back to the drawing board. seriously though, through this journey of starting a business and dreaming up what i really hope it to be some day, i get lost. things suddenly become all about the business, the clients, pleasing everyone (and not well, might i add…sometimes) that i often forget that this all started out as something i did quietly. to myself. shared amongst friends and family only. each day i feel myself get more wrapped up in the stress and anxiety of it all. sometimes so much so that i kind of can’t hear my own voice. this is not to say i don’t love what i do, because i do, deeply, but business is business and making one is hard. and so, my goal is to change my photo of the day habit a bit. into more than a photo. with each photo i will allow myself enough time to write a bit of the story behind it, or why i like it, or what it makes me feel. i’m going to give myself the space.
moment: pick a moment from my year where i felt most alive. i would have to give this one to our trip to the cape. it’s a new tradition for us, but what was different this year was i had my camera. and no internet. completely shut off to the outside world. forced to do nothing but see. see my boys playing with my mother. gritty sand stuck between their toes, bodies smelling of sunblock. happiest doing nothing more than building sand castles with their Nana. see my mom enjoying. enjoying her family, the beach, a book, wine, scrabble, sleep. see the sunset. sitting, relaxing. see the moon rising when i look up at the sky from the outdoor shower. it looks like a tac. the moments when i am ripped away from all that consumes me and forced to experience and live and see are when i feel most alive.
(this is today’s)
wonder: how did i cultivate a sense of wonder in my life this year. i love people. this feels a little weird to say because i’m actually incredibly shy and pretty awkward. i guess i mean people’s faces, which seems stranger to say still. since i was young, i have always been drawn to pictures of people’s faces. sure, i love a good landscape. but it has always been so interesting to me what you can read from a person’s face, from their posture to their expression to the way the light falls on them. i have two kids, so the feeling of wonder is never far off, but to have new eyes to see them through has been more moving than i had first thought it would be. with my new tool i feel more capable then ever to truly capture the full emotion of a moment. and i find myself looking back at photos of these faces, these people i love or moments that are heavy and getting emotional. because these images have so many layers and details of all the things around them at the time of a moment. a moment that meant enough to be caught. this is where my sense of wonder lies.
let me know if you join too!